natalia renae (khean) wrote,
natalia renae

i cant help it

when things are good, they are good. then you have to leave. then you wonder. a lot. too much.

i cant avoid depression being here. i thought i could handle it for a short period of time but no i cant. i dont want to talk to him. or them. or anyone but marin and kell. even they have other shit going on. i hate bonfires. i hate life here.

i came for a few appointments and some more pictures. im missing my sisters bday and im stuck here for mine. please try to remember and throw me something when im back. im missing a lot of kids leaving for college and the ones im not missing, im barely there for.

it sucks i hate it. and now i cant help but think about boys seeing as to i just saw a cinderella story. yeah i hate movies like that because they never happen. i dont like it when my mom has to say to me "why cant you get a good guy who youre interested in who wants what you do". thats sad. and i cant answer it. theres something about me. i attract guys who just want a quick almost-bang or guys who lie and then cheat and never really want you anyway. thats what it amounts to. not wanting.

school when im back. cant wait. summer will be over, no more fun yet no more drama. ill try to get through it with all the assholes and fake people and then go to miami with katie.

fuck michigan. fuck guys who miraculasly have time now that im not around or guys who dont even remember that im coming back. fuck it all. fuck sitting on the couch or sitting at a bonfire even with a beer. this is what makes me an alcoholic. i need about 10 shots of VODKA to cure this shit. yeah.

peace. had to let that out. i called katie. got mad. grr. story of my god danm life.
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