natalia renae (khean) wrote,
natalia renae

getting ready for school, writen previously by hand

Originally written at 6:23pm today at 1st Ave.N. Beach-

"I'm going to have to find a place to write up at State, even just a library. It's close. We're packing everything up, booking the lodge reservations and saying good-bye's. Some have already left, a few will stay a little longer. Today was Neumann's first day back, I have a feeling it's fading quickly, year-by-year. I'm going to get my diploma tomorrow and seeing the 2 teachers worth seeing. I only wish everyone the best. I hope they learn a lot more than academics, I know they will.
13 has been my lucky number forever (as well as my mom's) but 23 is a new lucky number. Ironicly I haven't had any luck from it yet but that's where the faith comes in. I see it almost every hour I'm awake and I don't even look for it. My grandma thinks I'm too beautiful to be treated badly and I try not to let it happen anymore. I need to find a median between closing people out and letting myself in too much. I am trying to grow without changing who I am. People will always like me for what I stand for if I'm honest. I want to focus on school this year and develop lasting friendships. I'd rather not date and I definately am going to save myself for the one that will stay. Love isn't a word I use lightly and I know good guys do exist. Patience will be my future goal. The songs I listen to and the things I manage to stumble upon reading teach me everyday that girls, boys, women, and men alike have the same ambitions and emotions, but what gives us individuality and strength is how we choose to sort through, seperate and act on those emotions. I believe that love comes in many sizes and I would rather be needed by someone than loved. I'd be happy to never hear the word "forever" come out of someone's vocabulary-especially when talking about me. We as people will never know or understand forever and we can't promise we'll be the same in the future. Life may be predestined but God gave humans free will and choice. I promise to keep a level head on my shoulders, to lend a should to those I care about and to never again become the girl I was 4 months ago, the girl I hate and said I'd never be.
I lost the one important person who loved me not because he had to, but because he wanted to and I have him up to learn the hardest lesson of my early life. You can't change the past but you can hope for another chance to make things right, I hope one day I get that chance."

Music- tide coming in/birds/"red rag top"

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